


If I were me

by HunterOfTheWild



Series: KiyoKuro hurts me [6]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M, almost preslash, but not really, mentions of self hatred, semi fluff, tiny hints of angst, working out inner problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:52:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6494371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterOfTheWild/pseuds/HunterOfTheWild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were many times Kuroko would curse his body, wishing it could be different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I were me

There were many times Kuroko curses his body, wishing it could be different.

He curses it when he starts playing basketball. He plays with his friends in the early days, just another kid trying his best. But he can never play as long and as hard as the others. Sad blue eyes sit at the side while he watches the others throw the ball around the court.

He curses it when he starts at Teikou, when he sees the rest of the students joining the basketball club. Kuroko plays and trains hard, but he can see how far behind he is falling. Often, he sits in quiet and stares at his clenched hands, wishing they were larger and stronger. Wishing that his body would finally catch up with his will, with his mind. But it doesn't.

He quiets down when Aomine introduces him to Akashi and when his training starts to pay off. He becomes a shadow, a phantom on the court. And he is satisfied for a while, happy to play beside his friends on the court. The team is happy too, at first. But as puberty hits them, Kuroko sees his friends shoot up in height and ability and he knows that however hard he might try, he won't catch up.

 

The last straw is when he sees Ogiwara's team _crushed_.

 

_If only I had played better._

 

_If only I didn't have this weak body._

 

Kuroko once again sits in silence and cries. He cries for his friend's broken will, he cries for himself. Bitterness wells up as he sees himself in the mirror and he turns away, not wanting to see the failure he knew he was. Why did he have to be the way he was?

When he starts at Seirin, Kuroko's first impression of Kagami is that this is what he wished he could be. The first nights after training, he wallows in bitterness towards the world. Why am I the one that had to be like this? But he endures and gets up again and again, determination visible in the set of his jaw and the flash of his eyes. It takes him a while, but Kuroko can feel himself getting better, his new team providing the support for him to grow, physically and mentally.

 

Then he finally meets Kiyoshi Teppei.

 

They don't talk much at first, Kuroko being the quiet person he was. Kiyoshi sees the determination and infinite amount of _trying so hard_ that Kuroko puts in into everything he does, and he feels his respect for the phantom grow every single day. The tall brunet feels Kuroko's gaze every time he grips a basketball with one hand, every time he manages to block a powerful opponent. He feels and knows that Kuroko feels envy, wishing he could do the same.

It's not a big surprise to most of the team, when one day they see Kuroko and Kiyoshi walk off hand in hand. Kagami frowns for a bit and questions the team about _where the hell did that come from?_ Hyuuga and Riko share a small smile and smack the tall basketball player over the head. Koganei laughs loudly and explains that E _haven't you seen them talking and hanging around the whole time?_   _Especially after the game with Kirisaki Daichi..._

Kuroko ignores the words he hears about the two of them.

 

As he walks beside Kiyoshi, he glances down at their intertwined hands. He blushes faintly under Kiyoshi's tender smile and thinks to himself that _maybe being myself it isn't such a bad thing._


End file.
